Okay, here's my strategy: those of us who like to wear diapers and snuggle would give our pinky fingers to never be outed in front of anyone. That goes for men and women and strangers around you.
So what you gotta do is make a Tinder account and/or an OKCupid account where the picture is of, like, diapers, or something, and make the description blunt: shoot me a direct message if you've ever been curious about diapers or abdl or incontinence as a fetish (or whatever your specific brand of odd is). 99/100 times, nobody will message you. But the one person that does is gonna blow your mind.
I got a message from a very cute girl who told me that she's not into diapers as a fetish but does have UC and poops her pants like every other day, so we got to talking and dating a little bit, and she always messages me when she has an accident. Last time we hung out I gave her a diaper for her to try on whenever she feels comfortable.