Listening to some old songs made me realize I'm being somebody I'm not. The last 8-12 months I've been completely devoid of my actual personality. Might be a 4chan victim but I've been on here for 7 years so I'm sure it would've caught on sooner. Anyways, nobody gives a shit how I look, what I do, or how I act, and I shouldn't care what others think anyways, because trying to please everybody has made me weak, cowardly, unlikable, and just a sad person. Might as well be happy just BEEing myself.>tfw you didn't take those bee urself morals in cartoons to heart enough
Though my main, more realistic issue right now is failing the fuck out of this semester. I'm actually kind of calm now, I may get kicked out but things will be ok, I'll just have to work harder. But really, having no friends and generally being isolated killed my motivation. Being generally disliked and an anxious, self conscious person (and addicted to a shitty, financially corrupting video game to fill the void/escape) didn't help either, and I skipped so many classes out of fear of being singled out. Hopefully it'll change, if it don't, I have a pretty good outlook on what I'll do.
Worrying about shit that's just gonna happen isn't going to get me anywhere. I'm still gonna give an honest effort to make up for my lack of it but I know I won't make it past a C/D. Positive nihilism has gotten me out of some of the roughest parts of my life and into the best ones of them too, so I'm counting on it now.
tl;dr: dumb, soon to be dropout 19 yo is hopeful life will still go on afterwards when he has to fend for himself and not get hiv from bumrape