im not a good man. i dont even beleave in religion, like idk maybe god does exist, how the fuck should i know
but what ever. >20yo>drink as a fucking truck (12/16beers per day)>work double shift like a fucking robbot, not fucking thinking at all>get home, pass out from alcohol>go work next day after throwing up>get home>drink again>wake up>throw up>go to work>go home and drink
i think you get the idea.
my life has no point at all. im not working on anything of value, i coul do this job when im 25, when im 30, when im 40 etc.
but im fucking afraid of doing anything else
its not like i aknowlege it all the time but it manifest itself as laziness
i remeber when i was a kid i had a shitty ass computer, only game on it ? "Tzar" loved that fucking game.
i remember i wanted to play all the time but i was afraid of asking my father (he was very strickt with videogames) so i just layed down in bed and was lazy.
eds up he did alowed me to play such game because he read sowhere that strategy games help develop brain function, but never invited me to do so because he thought i did not liked the fucking game. kinda sounds like a joke now.
right now i just got home from a long day of work, im typing this shit and no one even cares about it.
my life will continue untill i die from a borring way, couple of people will show up to my funeral, some people will be sad for a bit, but i will be forgotten sooner or later. i will stop existing and it terrifies me.