For the past 5 months, I have done nothing but sit in my room waiting for days to end. At first, the days would last forever. I think this was because I knew I was going into a depressive episode. Now, days fly by and I still don't do anything. I feel numb each day. At night I have all these big ideas. I will talk to my parents about x, y, z. I will stream so I can at least have a schedule. Ill program something. Ill read. Then, each and every morning, I wake up and hate life, I lay in bed wishing I could stay in bed and be comfortable all day, but I know I can't so I get up and live.
I started emailing a girl I liked at uni. I don't have a phone so its the best I can do. Anyways, she talks about what she's doing and I wish I could talk about the cool things I do, but its nothing. I have not replied in 10 days because nothing for me changed in 10 days. Nothing has changed in 5 months.
I can go back to uni in the fall, but I have a hunch I will never return and that the NEET life is where I will be for the next 5 years. What kills me, and makes me sick, is that I used to be a normie. I had friends, I had a GF, life was good. But because of my shortcomings, I fucked my own life.