Dear Peppermint Patty, in writing in response to your first letter, let me emphasize I'd prefer not to "lick your pussy" as I'm acutely allergic to cats. Also, Linus says sucking roosters is also an easy way to contract avian influenza.
I have absolutely no time to swim, especially to practice "doggy style" with you. My arms must rest for our baseball game coming up on Friday.
Until next time,
Your friend, Charlie "Chuck" Brown
P.S. Do you think I have a shot at fucking that Little Red-Haired Girl?