I'm not telling you to live for others, I'm telling you to stop convincing yourself to do something utterly retarded because you think its some kind of resolution. I also feel extremely angry reading shit like this because of reasons I explained.
Even if you believe everyone in your life is gone, go find new people. You made acquaintances before, you will again. Not only did my friend kill himself, but I struggled with suicide myself when I was younger.
Looking back now that was so insignificant and worthless, had I ended it there I would have never experienced everything that came after. Sounds obvious, but its easy to forget.
I sent you this quote above >>61506891
and I'll explain the story. You said service so I assume you're a soldier.
Julius Evola served in WW1, "Having served in a mountain artillery regiment during the First World War, he found himself incapable of returning to normal life. He was overcome with "feelings of the inconsistency and vanity of the aims that usually engage human activities."
He decided, at the age of twenty-three, to commit suicide.
He was only dissuaded from carrying this out by coming across a passage from the Middle Length Sayings (Majjhima Nikaya I, 1) in the Pali Canon where the Buddha spoke of those things with which the disciple committed to awakening must avoid identifying. Having listed the body, feelings, the elements and so on, he concludes:
Whoever regards extinction as extinction, who thinks of extinction, who reflects about extinction, who thinks: "Extinction is mine," and rejoices in extinction, such a person, I declare, does not know extinction.
For Evola this was "like a sudden illumination. I realised that this desire to end it all, to dissolve myself, was a bond - 'ignorance' as opposed to true freedom."
You keep saying you dont care, but you feel the need to tell us about it.
List exactly what your problems are.