"You plebs don't understand! Kara Thrace and Rainbow Dash were supposed to be *the* OTP! They.... Starbuck and Dash both love flying super fast, and..."
"Oh g-god, h-here we go again."
"There must be some kind of way out of here," muttered Rarity, clutching at her head.
"Ohhh, there is a way," cackled the tall figure. "Ohhh yes, there is a way out of here. I'll kill you, here and now, and you'll be out of my life for good."
"Uh, darling, I'm afraid I must object."
"First it was the Raridashfags, taking my Dashie away from the only true pairing in the universe--"
"I don't even know what that is!" Rarity protested.
"--And now it's the white harlot herself, taking Dashie's rightful place as the perfect human bean!"
The tall figure unsheathed his katana, eliciting frightened gasps from his peers.
"Nonny, seriously? A katana??"
"W-what the f-fuck?"
"You god damn hokey, that's MY katana!"
The tall figure disappeared in a puff of ninjutsu smoke, then reappeared behind Rarity.
"This is totally personnel, kid!"
Rarity raised her arms to protect her most precious body part -- Her face.
"No! Please, I'm too beautiful to die!"
As Rarity clenched her eyes shut, a radiant ball of light emanated out from her body, engulfing her.
"Applejack, help me---"
The light exploded outward in a thunderous boom.