"So, what exactly have you been up to that was so important, hmm? You're not going to tell me you were sleeping while I was waiting at the cinemas since 9:30, are you? You're not telling me I got up at 8:00 to make sure everything was perfect for our little outing today while you were sharing a bed with Luke, are you?"
Play it cool. Big smile. She just knows exactly what you were doing and has every right to be angry.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry babe. I just got really into what I was writing. You know how much I've been struggling lately." Shit, she's not buying it. Think, Dumb ass, think. Oh god. The dog farted before he left the room and it smells disgusting.
"Why don't you read what I've written so far babe, you can see for yourself how hard I've been work-*cough*-w-working."
Good. Maybe I can use the cough as ammunition for an excuse down the line.
"Alright then... I will." I eagerly vacated the seat she could have a look. Man, it is really starting to smell in this room.
"'>tfw you'll never hear your own hoof steps. ‘Just wear coconuts on your feet, you nigger.'"
"'B-but... Have you tried?'"
"Yes. I closed my eyes and walked on a hard surface. My boner could have..."
Truth be told. I had actually done quite a bit of work last night on my short story. I had just forgotten that I had left 4chan open as I went to bed.
"Some riveting narrative here James. I'm truly impressed."
I was drilling a hole in the wall with my eyes. If I met her gaze here, I would never live it down.
"You're paying for my petrol, food, and movie ticket today"
"Good. And spray some aerosol or something in here. It smells like something died."
She stood up and left. I let out a quiet sigh of relief, and, grabbing her handbag, followed suite. I idly scratched at my arm as I walked out to my car. Today was probably going to be a long day.