You want critique? Here goes. Everything is my own opinion so if there's any whieknights that want so suckle on his cock, there's the disclaimer.
First off this post.>>21189334>Anon needing a key to the copy room
Why? What the fuck is Anon's role in this school? Is he a teacher or a student? You portray him as this supportive character, so the fact he doesn't flip out, and either
A: tell someone
is OOC for your own universe.
Next up is you continue to make your own points. What I mean by this is:>Sunset notices you, but Celestia doesn't
Okay>>She looks at you, but is balling to much to show any other form of acknowledgment
Don't know why, but I imagined her in bling. but yes. If anon noticed she saw him, then why does it need acknowledgement again?>You decide to wait outside the office so that Celestia doesn't notice you
We already know she hasn't noticed him. Again what the fuck is Anon's role in this school?>"Okay, that's another session done, make sure you're here at the same time next week for the next one"
Oh that's good. You're showing us this is implied to be a weekly thing>Was this a weekly thing?
Then you make your own point again, and it feels like you think the reader is too stupid to put two, and two together.>The copy room key can wait, you want to know why she was in there being spanked like a child
So is he a teacher then? And he didn't stop abuse right in front of him? Child abuse?
"What was going on in there?">She nearly has a panic attack when she hears you>"N-n-nothing">Lies
"Yeah, bullshit. Why were you in there getting spanked by the principle"
Okay. Sunset SAW Anon watching. Her lying was pointless to add Also the lack of punctuation makes all dialogue seem like robots are talking,
"Why don't you just not show up?"
A better question to ask is WHY DON'T YOU TELL SOMEBODY? That would be an answer I'd want as the reader to see