>>31024318>Feedback and criticism please and thank you.
First off:>her sports bra covering her chest
What is this anthro shit REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>"Hello R-Rainbow Dash. W-what can I do for you?"
Fluttershy does not stutter. This meme needs to die.>Fluttershy nodded, firmly aware of exactly how spirited Rainbow Dash's parents were.
Dash's parents are the exact opposite of spirited. They'd cheer her on for coming home late.
Or does she have different parents in Anthroland?
Your writing is pretty okay for a greentext, just a few nitpicks when it comes to structure and repetition. For example:>Rainbow sighed in relief.
And three lines later:>A sigh of contentment left her; a noise of pleasure escaped her lips.
One of those would statements would suffice, three is definitely overkill, especially as you're using "sigh" twice.>"...But I'd much rather give you a makeover, Rainbow Dash."
And then you skip ahead to where Dash is already getting a makeover.
Why? If you can't justify Dash as a character going along with this makeover idea, you should take it as a sign to maybe step back and rethink. Glossing over it doesn't work, because it's so drastically against both Dash and Fluttershy that we can't just accept it at face value.
Now, there ARE justifiable ways to make Dash go along with it, but they require buildup to make sense in-character. For example in the show, we know Dash sat through the boring butterfly migration so that Fluttershy would sit through the dragon migration with her, so you have precedent to have Fluttershy invoke a similar friendly debt to make Dash go along.
Ultimately, what I see are two characters I vaguely recognize parts of, but that don't even come across as very internally consistent.
They come in shapes I don't recognize and live in a world I don't recognize, and even though the concept (Dash being coaxed into girly clothing) is something that I enjoy, it's not enough to keep me interested in a mere greentext.