Once you're disabled though then it's like it's over for you as well, you will never go on a great adventure or have any dignity or be fulfilled and the people you hate win and so on. Your life can get really bad if you're not on top of things and that depression or anxiety can manifest into other things and it can turn into a crushing nightmare. It's like you'll never really live but to have the functionality required to simply live or waste time you have to have some hope. Never give up anon and you should leave r9k it's bad for you because then you start identifying with negativity and once it starts sticking to you eventually your live will fall into judgment, if you focus on negativity your subconscious mind will be able to bring out the dark side and people are predators looking for various ques and so on.
Anyway keep a level head and make sure you stay sane and then the reputation will carry you on it's own, your mind will eventually adapt.
ofc you're probably one of those hard workers who overthink everything.