>>2947705Not gonna lie, in Love the Pred, it kinda felt like you just wanted to get through the smut as fast as you could. You're writing porn of non-humans--celebrate those differences, don't ignore them. Describe Shep's ears angling for the best position to hear Dawn's moans, even as she reaches up to rub and grab them. Describe how he can't help but nip at her neck. Describe how how he sniffs at Dawn, how the more aroused she gets the more his pupils dilate, the more rapid his sniffing gets. How she nestles her hands into the thick fur around his neck and won't let go. The high-pitched whine he lets out when he's on the brink.
Other things to explore are how they've been married for--what was it? Seven years? They've fucked before. They -know- how to get each other off--or maybe they're not sure anymore, maybe their sex life stalled before Dawn went to jail. Maybe they're picking up on half-remembered queues and figuring out what gets their lover going all over again.
The reason people liked the gay one better, I think, is because we're in Donk's head for all of it. You've got denial, you've got sensation, you've got emotion. With Dawn and Shep, you're just describing the act and very little of what comes with it, and when you've got two animals fucking there's going to be a LOT coming with it. There are going to be differences and sensations between the two that you don't really get with a pair of human partners. Celebrate those differences, dive into those sensations. This is smut, not a checkup. But above all keep at it. I don't mean for this to sound aggressive or overly harsh, you've got talent. You just need to zero in a bit.
