>>27406610No joke.
Throw it on your phone, go to your local staples, and demo one of the e-print and/or NFC enabled HP printers there. Just make sure it has paper. You can direct wi-fi connect to it, or can NFC tap it on some of them. Print it for free. If your staples sucks or you say your just looking and/or say you don't need help, you'll probably be left alone.
HP has special dealings w/ Staples, so the reps visit decently often to make sure at least the flagship printer demos are up and working. So it's likely to find one w/ paper and ink in it, or at least salvageable from another demo printer.
Have fun.