Am I autistic or does anyone else feel a deep connection with the aesthetic of the videos that you posted. Im close to finally living that sort of life. For the past year, I worked a lot on myself in all ways so that im awesome and can live that lifestyle. I want violence,death,abuse,exploring hidden stuff, extreme hard drugs, doing the dumbest shit with friends,paranormal(occult,ghosts,schizo), extreme depression but still having fun and seeing beauty in life,being cool. Im stuck between keep working hard,studying good,starting my own family,living a long life and be a beacon of love for people or just living the life that I said earlier and die soon. I have experienced and lived both sorts of life and I still cant decide