>>39103604as promised the bugfixes
>Paranoia and pragmatically leadpragmaticism*
>only Labrynthia, and Equestriadon't need a comma there since it's a list of two
>within Taurmaline Causing frictioni'm not 100% sure if there needs to be a comma there, but 'causing' doesn't need to be capitalized
>who always reconized his efforts and loved his magic he wasrecognized*, and since this is a clause of the overall sentence it needs a comma at the end of 'magic'
>was Tireks perfect prisonTirek's*
>every soul living or dead was in danger, including your son, son's*, referring to the son's soul
>order to held our world recover.help*
>But I have chosen the best ponies for the job however.this reads strangely. could be one of twilight's speaking idiosyncrasies, but if not this statement should only have 'but' or 'however', but not both
>and I share your hope for peace I would like for us to meet againcan't tell if these are meant to be separate sentences and need a period or if "hope for peace is another clause in need of a comma
>”What do you mean they vanished?” you asked, worried.whenever you do a perspective shift, even if you are concealing exactly who is speaking, it's good practice to physically mark when such shifts happen. some anons double space, others do a line of hyphens (-----), but you do you
>barniclesbarnacles*
errors aside you're a good writer. your pacing is nice and consistent, the scenes you paint have enough detail without being distracting, and the conversations feel natural. it's very easy to envision myself as a fly on the wall in the same room watching the conversation happen
good job thus far. solid 9/10, just need to run things through a spell checker and double check the grammer.
also i couldn't help but notice that she failed to mention that she had the combined magical might of every other alicorn in existence (barring faust) during her duel with Tirek. might be trouble if allies figure out she isn't a divine magical singularity anymore