>>20618077This is a really nice pic you got there.
>>20618117More please! For now I will share my opinion / give some critique.
I love the slow down into nose poke. While reading your greentext, I wished for it but I didn't actually expect it to occur. There are more details like this in your story that make a big difference when combined.
Language is good, keep it up.
The protagonist is decent (not stupid or incompetent). However, he is somewhat excessive. Contemplating how to crack someones ribs and get away with it while being involved in a fight seems slightly absurd. Just be careful to not get too close to Gary Stu area.
Maybe I should expound a bit. To me a Gary Stu is an idealized but also unbalanced and inconsistent character who in spite of conflicting flaws tends to mysteriously succeed / possess / achieve where desirable. In short, someone with "reality bent in their favor".
Dash is extraordinarily immature as well as stupid and weak.
Anyway, let me recap the fight a bit.
>>You throw your foot out in front so balance won't be lost after the initial slug>>She throws her fist flying towards your face>you anticipated a cheap shot>an act of deliberate roughness against a DEFENSELESS opponent, I'm a bit pedantic here>>You bring your hand up in a flash, grabbing her attack>All that power she built was gone>>With a heave, you lift your left hand, bringing Dash's arm up along with it>She's practically hanging now>>Slowly, you retract your right armFirst, I doubt a running punch would be significantly more effective than one while standing still as with the latter you can have better technique. A punch's power comes from engaging the full body.The protag lifts Dash with one arm and then prepares a punch strong enough to crack her ribs while she does nothing in defense. Something doesn't add up here.
>>20618967Asking to continue is usually a bad sign. If you don't like the story, maybe start a new one.
