>>49682167akira was the first /meat/ tuber i found so i have a soft spot for her and desu i haven't gotten to watch a lot of the other girls because i only recently found out /meat/ tubers even existed! i'd liked ryona and other very "strange" kinks for a long time but the closest i ever had seen to a vtuber who talks about that is matsuri talking about lolis (and other holo members discussing loli and shota but she was the main one), the closest i ever got was finding the english community of "smoltubers" which are generally vtubers who market off of the loli trope but i'd never ever seen a vtuber who specifically went into dark subjects like ryona, scat, omo, etc etc. which is why i really want to be a /meat/ chuuba! i had wanted to be a vtuber ever since i watched kizuna ai when her first video was only a few days old, i was captivated by the idea of being able to entertain people like i'd always wanted without needing to ever show my face if i was uncomfortable, all i had to do was have talent or even if i lacked it i just had to be fun to watch! ever since that day 5 years ago i started leaning my art towards anime more, started really really trying to learn japanese, etc. which was a lot for me because at that time even the idea of socializing made my stomach upset and i was so suicidal and depressed that getting up in the morning genuinely felt almost impossible - to the point that for about 3 years of my life i had to be physically carried out of bed in order to get ready to go anywhere, and even then you had to sit me up at a chair because if you out me down and i was laying down i wouldn't get up. vtubers gave me the motivation to not give up because i finally knew there was something that someone like me can do if i just put the effort in.
i'm at a point in my life now where i'm actually starting to feel confident in my singing, voice acting, and entertainment ability that i really think soon i can do it. i started taking medication and joined drama troupes, bought a microphone, and about a year ago i began formal singing lessons. i got over being camera shy and having stage fright, my life is still very hard. some days i can't wake up to my own alarm clock, some days i cut myself out of low mental health rather than something such as pleasure, and i'm still a crybaby - but i want to be able to give all my strengths to the anime community that genuinely raised me since i was born (the first show i ever watched was an anime, there are videos of me dancing to the opening before i was able to walk on my own).
