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Hands down most interesting session I've ever DM'd
>At a friend's house, going to be teaching them how to play
>Have 3 pregen PCs, all basic af
>Fighter
>Monk
>Ranger
>Everyone gets there, tell them the basics
>Everyone picks one, and we start.
>Fighter goes first, looks me in the eyes
>"I roll to shit myself"
>... "Alright, roll it."
>Nat 20, his bowels are now devoid of anything and everything
>They split up. Monk and Ranger together, Fighter alone
>Everything's quiet
>Too quiet...
>Ranger gets stabbed in the ass by a Kobold
>1 damage
>Monk and ranger get to a hallway that splits into two parallel hallways
>They split up
>Brief scuffle on each side, 1v2 vs some Kobolds each
>Fighter's on the other side of the dungeon, thinks something's off
>Rolls search
>Nat 1
>Strains his eyes, goes temporarily partially blind
>Kills a kobold though
>He gets back to the starting room, tell him to roll Listen
>"GO LEFT!"
>???
>Ranger decided to do a cavity search on one of the dead Kobolds
>Nat 20
>Uses punching dagger to widen the hole, blood is now lube
>Accidentally starts fisting the kobold
>Gets up to his bicep
>Loses his punching dagger
>Monk is traumarized
>Sole Survivor Kobold absconds like his life depends on it
>It does
>Ranger goes back for the dagger
>Takes 5 in-game minutes to get it back
>Jesus fucking christ
>Fighter goes left, avoiding the horrifying scene on the other side
>Monk recovers, tells me he wants to scream as loudly as he can at the ranger, point blank
>Okay.bmp "Roll... Con, I guess."
>18+3 = 21, he screams so loud it hurts everyone
>Ranger is now permanently deaf
>Monk temporarily mute
>Fighter and Ranger both still smell of shit
>Go to end of dungeon, no more Kobolds
>Fighter has to leave for the day
>Slogan of the session was "Shit happens"
I miss playing with those chucklefucks.
