>>123219116You've unintentionally made a backing track that sounds like a karaoke version of a song as a simplified/lower energy version of whatever the original song would be. This needs a lead vocal part, and more energy especially for the chorus (I see the 8-bar section that opens the song as the possible chorus here). Compositionally, I think what you've got is really good, but there's lo passion or "feel" to it. It sounds restrained and dead inside.