>>56527314Are you saying George Orwell was American?
>replace long with extensive>>56523370The guy I replied to above doesn't really have good points. Your diction doesn't consist of "smart people" vocabularly - rather, the field you are entering is littered with huge words (computer, maintenance, technology, etc.).
Furthermore, you should try to be a bit more formal in your letter. This means to not use contractions.
Also, try to cut unnecessary fluff.
>However my resume is sparse due to my age, and... a rewarding career.This mght be what the other guy is referring to with your words: "sparse" isn't really the right word to use. This sentence could be better written as:
>As a recent graduate (or whatever the hell you have just done that makes you qualified for the job), an internship with ______ would help me gain the experience I need for a rewarding career.(Also, try not to use pussyfoot terms like "I feel," "I think," and "I believe." Sometimes they do work effectively, but 99% of the time it just makes you look like youre unsure of what you're saying - you need to come off as confident).
>Focusing on the more specialized aspects of my self-education, I'm most experienced in the domains of.... Windows Systems Administration.The dependent clause ("Focusing on the more specialized aspects of my self-education") is completely unnecessary - thonk about it from the perspective of the HR guy who's gonna read this - the only thing they need to know from that sentence is the second part (after the comma). The first part just makes it awkward and difficult to read.
