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This has been a hilarious waste of an evening. From the bottom of my pecs, I thank each and every sore butthole that contributed to this thread and subsequently, my mirth.
From the bottom of my glutes (mine, not the girl in blue leggings), I thank every person who was able to act like an adult and contribute comments of value, as well as unsolicited training advice and compliments.
That said, this is a fucked up place. Y'alls got the corner on crazy here, high five. Keep it real, faggots.