>>56260006You talk about yourself in a sort of disassociative way. I've come to see situations like yours being rooted in a lack of self-awareness of the actual issues holding you back and the smaller steps you need to accomplish the bigger picture.
You need to replace non-productive behaviors with productive ones that serve as the building blocks to get you from point A to point B. These building blocks may have only a faint resemblence to the task themselves. E.G. exercise and good diet and good sleep might improve energy levels and mood and motivation enough to help you persue larger more abstract goals like say holding down a full time job. Yet these subgoals like good exercise/diet/sleep are difficult to achieve on their own due to your already low levels of motivation. In fact you may even be caught in a downwards spiral where you are literally helpless to actually improve any of these aspects at the given moment in time you're at and it may not actually be possible to extract yourself from your situation until some time has passed.
Being an autist myself I remember one of the biggest "what the fuck" redpills I got was trying the sensory deprivation tanks and feeling REALLY good afterwards...which made me realise how stressed I was before. I never actually thought sensory stuff actually bothered me and it was a problem other autists had. Yet once I actually started treating it like a real problem my overall stress levels decreased as I changed my living situation to have less sensory stressors. This in turn improved my overall ability to do productive work. Which then allowed me to improve other things like diet... leading into a sort of positive feedback loop.
I do think "lazy" is not a useful abstraction especailly since if you're been using that abstraction for years and it hasn't gotten you anywhere. A mindframe that isn't helping you move forward is just mastrubatory even if it SEEMS like you're being tough on yourself.
