>>26099591,1Well I guess if you went through the trouble of posting here I can dignify it with a response.
The best way I can phrase it was that I was SCARED. I didn't put it in you once and then say, "okay whew, that's over with". We had sex, then you left, then I started thinking really negative, paranoid and anxious stuff. I can see now, as a result of all that, I basically fucked you over worse, but I honestly couldn't see that at the time.
My apparent lack of appreciation basically came down to inexperience. I honestly had never had to pay a toll, a gas bill, or even honestly that much groceries myself before. I have no clue what you mean about cleaning up the remaining mess, maybe I said something, but none of it stands out in my memory at all. If I did, I'm sorry. And I wasn't trying to bitch at you, I didn't think I could convince you to run out and buy a router, call in a cable guy and set that shit up. I just felt disconnected. I was in a foreign country, it cost me like 5 dollars to even send a text home, and everything I had to do involved directly interacting with you- someone I only sort of knew. I thought I was prepared for that, but as it turned out I really wasn't.
>And the fact that you, a virgin, could make fun of my sexual performance is an absolute joke. The reason why I wasn't "into it" was because you clearly were not.Well, yes, I felt jipped. I wasn't making fun of you though, I felt like you were holding back- which you were, but because you in your own words were worried I didn't want it. And... I mean, I don't know what you mean by me not being into it, at least as far as that one time goes... I liked the experience, I just had no fucking idea what to do. Yes, I was bad at sex, not forcing myself to do it.
I'll end this awful post once more with, I WAS TOO SCARED TO SPEAK UP. I mean, honestly I thought refusing to eat the jello counted, but apparently that was just a joke in the first place. So yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't consider this whole ordeal from both sides, my view was too narrow and for storytiming purposes I exagerated my side of things. That was shitty for me to do.
I mean fuck, I don't want you to forgive me but I'd like if we can bury this hatchet and move on with things.
I was a bitchy little shit, and you didn't understand the anxiety I was feeling. I was probably worse in that regard. Either way I feel like I've grown, and wouldn't make those same mistakes with anyone else, it's too bad I made them with you.
Seriously though I didn't know you seriously wanted it to be a FWB thing, when you pushed me away after I tried to kiss you- even if it was because I was using tongue or whatever, it made me intensely paranoid and self conscious.
